Marathon Runners Accused of Spreading Fake News

In a stunning revolt this weekend, friends and family members of marathon runners everywhere put down their cheering signs and picked up picket signs.It turns out they’re tired of the fake news theses runners have been spreading. Not once or twice, apparently it’s an epidemic that’s been happening for decades.

“After she crossed the finish line she could barely walk, she was sobbing and swore to me that this was her last marathon. She promised right then and there that should would never do another one.” said a spouse who prefers to remain anonymous, but goes by “husband of RunToTheFinish” online.

It turns out this is a common declaration made at marathon finish lines everywhere. Only weeks later these same runners, who are still walking backwards down a flight of stairs because “ouch”, have clicked the button to register for another chance at 26.2.

Just when their families thought they might have them home again on Saturday mornings or be allowed one night where they didn’t have to hear about a run, a stretch or what hurt…they did it again.

“We just want people to be aware. Don’t get lulled in to a false sense of security when they say these things. It’s fake news!!! They will absolutely do it again and you need to be prepared.” Shouted another very nonviolent protestor.

What Runners Have to Say

After hearing their outrage, reporters here at RTTF (ok that would be me Amanda) looked to fellow runners to understand what was happening. My own experiences gave me a little insight, but I didn’t want to taint the results.

All names have been changed to protect the identity of these fearless runners who chose to come forward and explain their use of alternative facts.

“Listen, I can’t be blamed for anything I say after running 26.2 miles. I mean it’s why I question people who get engaged at the finish line. I’m either going to barf or I’m on cloud 9 and I’d say yes to anything.” *Sarah

But when questioned about why she would say she’d never sign up for another marathon if she was on cloud nine, she began to hesitate a bit.

“Women say they’ll never have another baby after childbirth right? It’s a lot like that.” Sarah finally stated and a number of nearby runners cheered their acknowledgment of this parallel.

Not wanting to leave anyone out, I thought it was important to get the male perspective as well.

“A marathon freaking sucks. There’s no other way to put it. It hurts, it’s hard, sometimes it’s ridiculously cold and you’re pushing yourself to your limit.” Shared John a 3:30 marathoner (or so he claims, is that another alternative fact?!)

If it’s so miserable then what finally makes you sign up again I pushed.

“It’s amazing. I mean that feeling of pushing yourself to the edge and realizing that you succeeded, you don’t get that anywhere else in your life. And on the races where you fail, then clearly you need redemption, I  mean that’s the plot of like every movie.”

Thank you John for that insight.

It appears there is no quick resolution to this battle, but we hope that both parties can meet in the middle with a half marathon.

Have you ever been part of this crazy alternative facts scenario?

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