How do you lose weight after 40 when your spouse is still eating all your “forbidden foods”?
From personal experience (through my 20’s and 30’s) I can tell you it’s not easy to have cookies, chips and pizza in the house and a man who naturally looks like a surfer scarfing them down…it requires immense willpower and lots of running. Ha!
Which is why the ideal scenario is to get on the same page! I’ve shared before tips on how to get your spouse running, but what about all the other stuff…can you make the change together for better results?
How to Lose Weight as a Couple
Living in Orlando, I watched my friend Maddy and her husband Darrell walk in to a party and it took me a minute to recognize them both. Immediately, I wanted to find out what tips she had to share for everyone who has been in this same rut!
Tons of great tips and insights here so don’t just skim it, read it!
Their Weight Loss History
Maddy was a long term distance runner. You know the life…you run, you eat, things pretty much stay status quo.
If she noticed a change in how clothes fit then she’d cut-back here or there, but let’s be honest, sometimes runger took over and there was no controlling the appetite. And that coupled with a couple years of injuries, started to lead to consistently gaining weight.
Each subsequent ankle surgery led to another 10+ pounds…so 4 surgeries, well you do the math.
Meanwhile, like a lot of guys, her husband Darrell was in great shape in his 20s, good shape in his 30s and as he entered his 40s things were starting to change. Suddenly, he too couldn’t eat whatever he wanted and feel the way he always had before.
Collectively there were too many ice cream runs, too many dinners out or drinks too often, all combined with a dramatic drop in exercise.
Losing Weight After 40
Age is definitely a factor in weight loss. First there’s habits, then there’s hormones and to create a total shift, she started following the Whole 30 plan – which is like Paleo for beginners. {Amanda’s note: I love that she says this because I think it’s way harder, which goes to show nothing works for everyone! And of course you know I’m not generally a fan of diets.}
NO: processed food, grains, dairy, sugar, alcohol
LOTS: meat, vegetables
SOME: healthy fat like olives or avocados, fruit
Mostly this helped her to put some new guidelines around food to think about it differently and slow down on the heavy pasta meals with a margarita.
The change in my body was so gradual that no one noticed or commented for a long time and then they assumed I had crash-dieted and lost a lot of weight all at once. {Amanda’s note: read that again people!! Things may seem like they aren’t changing and then suddenly it’s a huge shift.}
Maddy started to feel better and have more energy, which caught Darrell’s attention.
He hadn’t been sleeping well and was snoring more than ever, so he was ready to make a shift, but decided Whole 30 wasn’t right for him. He wanted to eat things like rice, black beans and a specific protein bar.
AH HA, now they were ready to lose weight together, but didn’t need to be on the exact same path to achieve results!
Darrell has lost 68 lbs (while gaining muscle)and his snoring has totally stopped.
How to Handle Weight Loss with Kids?
They had two kids ages 13 and 17 when this started. While she would still buy them treats; just because it’s in the house doesn’t mean you have to eat it.
- If there’s something your kids eat that’s your kryptonite, buy them something else you don’t care about as much – they’re kids, they’ll adapt.
- Get creative with sneaking veggies in to meals
- Stock up on snacks not only for your kids, but something you can grab if you’re starving.
- We always have apples, bananas and carrots on hand – it’s just as easy to grab a banana as a cookie.
- Our kids don’t always eat the same thing we do, so I try to cook a big batch of things for them to eat over the course of a few days {i.e. pasta}.
Choosing a Weight Loss Workout
Darrell wanted to add something different to their home gym and a quick search on Craigslist popped up a home gym they couldn’t out grow at a phenomenal price. (GREAT TIP!! Check Craigslist for that treadmill or weights).
What started there lead to a CrossFit membership and Maddy finding that she could fall in love with weights, if her body wouldn’t allow her to run as she used to. 
First, Maddy had to work through fears of reinjuring her ankle, which is super normal! Then she started adding in things bit by bit:
- Slowing building endurance through treadmill and elliptical
- Using the new home gym
- Eventually joining CrossFit
- Working out 6 days a week with cardio and strength
- Darrell focuses mainly on 6 days of strength each week
Proving again that they’re doing it together, helping to motivate each other…but without needing to be on the exact same plan! I think this trips up a lot of couples, who feel like they need to eat the same or go to the gym together to make it work.
Couples Weight Loss Tips
It absolutely helps to have support in reaching your goals. Whether that’s someone who is willing to be home with the kids while you do a long run or a partner who is also committed to not going out for dinner 3 nights a week.
It all helps! Here are a few more of her tips for making it work:
- Allow your results to be the motivation to get your spouse started.
- Trust the process and know it takes time {that’s where the support helps}.
- Make weekends active with boating, kayaking, hiking, etc
- Talk about what your goals are so that you can be a support system without having the exact same end goal.
- Don’t feel like you need to do the exact same things to support and motivate each other. Pick the biggies like less sugar to do together.
- Notice the small changes with your partner and compliment them on their progress.
- Stay strong for each other. If one of you suggests blowing off a workout for margaritas, kindly remind them how good they’ll feel after the workout (and if you both really want margaritas after the workout, occasionally, that’s ok too.)
- Add in things like Probiotics to help your digestion, that aids weight loss!
- Think about food in terms of anti-inflammatory eating (inflammation keeps you bloated)
Kudos to Maddy and Darrell for making the decision to change and then finding a way to support each other! A great lesson that you don’t have to both be runners or even eat the exact same foods to still be a great support system!
Have you ever tried to lose weight or get healthy with your partner?
What’s your biggest struggle with doing it together?
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Eating and Exercising to Burn More Fat
This article is very nice , sprcially for weight loss techniques if you want to learn.
Thankyou for sharing such article.
Trying to get fit with your partner can be a struggle, especially when you have conflicting goals (I want to lose weight, he wants to bulk up). But it’s all about finding balance and encouraging each other. I want to focus on running, getting stronger to support my running, and getting faster. He wants to get stronger and build bigger muscles while staying lean. We balance this out by him going to the gym to lift on lunch nearly every day, and I do my runs before/after work. He joins me on 1-2 runs per week, and I join him for a strength session on Sunday. It’s a great way to get the best of both worlds! Every once in a while, I can even talk him into signing up for a race with me: https://runningmybestlife.com/race-recap-sweethearts-5k/ .