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Home / Funny Running

Confessions of a Distance Runner

Last Updated on November 10, 2023 by Amanda Brooks
We independently review everything we recommend. When you buy through our links, we may earn a commission.
25 Comments

The mind of a distance runner is a wonderful and terrifying thing {sounds like a Willy Wonkaism}.

Some days I think we’re just a big ball of emotions that’s only controlled through the outlet of sweat.

Over the miles there may be frustrations, wild joy and tears of well name any emotion! Which of course is one of the many reasons that we show up mile after mile to push our bodies, when our friends can’t understand why anyone would want to run that far or that often.
Hilarious confessions of a distance runner - can you relate?The truth is that around mile 23 of every marathon, all distance runners start questioning their sanity and believing their friends are right… this is just stupid. It’s called the wall.

BUT prior to that are the months of training that we love to chat about around the water cooler. For all the times we want to say “every muscle in my body hurts” and instead say “hell ya I ran 20 miles Sunday, then chowed down on a burger while watching football” here are the other things we aren’t 100% truthful about for fear you’ll see through our thin layer of sanity.

Confessions of A Distance Runner

What I think about while running:
“I love life” – During a great run, I’ll find myself with a huge toothy grin thinking life couldn’t get any better than that moment.

“I hate running” – A few seconds later, I trip because I’m not looking at where I’m going, I’m gazing at the puffy clouds in the sky and now my knees are skinned and I want to cry like a toddler whose fallen on the playground.

“Good story” – As I regroup I realize this is going to make for another great running story and I’m off again to finish that run with blood dripping down my leg, feeling like a total badass because really who runs while they are bleeding?!

Race guilt:
I feel like I’m supposed to be racing and setting PR’s all the time because I have this blog.

But I’m not. I’m just trying to enjoy my life. I’m running lots of miles because they make me happy.

PE:
I hated it. No I was not a runner as a kid.

In fact, I’ve found that the majority of runners will tell you we too hated running before starting.

Road Kill:
Anyone who has done a Ragnar knows this term, but if you don’t, it’s basically a notation of passing someone while running.

Personally, if someone passes me, I immediately assume they aren’t running as far. Or having moved to Boulder, I assume they’re an Olympian.

Morning Runs:
I love my morning runs, but that doesn’t mean I’m a morning person. I don’t really want to chat until I’ve run, showered and had a smoothie.

And in truth, it takes time for morning running to become a habit and then suddenly you can’t live without out it. But yes, I still bemoan the dark starts.

Sniff Test isn’t Just for Teens:
I totally re-wear clothes because I already feel like it’s a mass amount of laundry, usually it gets the sniff test. I also frequently in winter wipe my nose on my sleeve cause I just can’t manage the snot rocket.

Stairs Suck:
No matter how many miles I run, I still find myself huffing and puffing going up multiple flights of stairs.

So when you want to have a great equalizer with your run buddies, just throw some stairs in the mix.

Running Shoes Are Always Necessary:
A new pair can magically heal my injury…or get me out the door regardless of any mood. I may or may not always have more pairs than one might think necessary, but each one is valuable…plus ya gotta rotate your running shoes!

Bathroom Habits are Free Discussion:
If you think new parents talk about baby bathroom habits a lot, you haven’t spent enough time on long runs with runners. Runners talk about this way more than the rest of the world.

When Dr. Oz talks about it, we’re like no biggie it happens all on it’s own. When friends talk about not having gone for days, we think they just need a run…it gets things moving.

We’ve learned that while porta potties might not smell great, they can be our very best friend.

What do you embellish or leave out when telling non-runner friends about your training? #runchat Share on X

Oprah Effect:
We set random race day goals based on beating celebrities for no good reason and then we judge ourselves based on whether or not we could beat them. It’s confusing even to us.

Distance Over Speed:
I’d happily run 10 miles over 1 fast mile on any given day. We often spend too much time worrying about being slow and honestly, that’s part of why we say we run long, not fast.

And yet, I am now adding in Speed drills to help my body naturally run faster.

Stare Down:
If you’re driving by and staring at me as I run, I will stare back…it bothers me and I want to bother you too. Then as you turn the corner I will sprint because I’m concerned about road rage!

Travel Lodging:
If it doesn’t have a treadmill or some place safe to run, I’m not staying there.

Yes, we understand our logic sounds insane to so many because why not just relax. But runsploring a new city is part of what gives me joy on a trip and I simply LIKE starting my days with a sweat session so even a treadmill is a good start.

runner meme

Tripping is an Art:
It happens more than I’d like to admit, but I trip on roots, sidewalks and my own two feet. When I do it in front of you, the appropriate response is “are you ok?” Not “damn that looks like it hurts” or just walking by (yup totally happened in Miami).

And yes, I am always going to look around like SOMETHING tripped me and not just my shuffle from being tired. You should absolutely play along with this and say, “oh yes there was something there but I think you kicked it out of the way.”

Pee Checks:
We’re always checking the color to see if we’re hydrated well or need more electrolytes. See I told you there is a lot of bathroom talk.

Instagram is Good:
Has dramatically improved our selection of places to run! I never used to think about how pretty a place was, I just went…now I’m far more aware of the beauty and altering a route to somewhere nicer!

Mood = Run Quality:
My ability to go for a run directly impacts my focus and mood for the day, legit studies show it makes you a better employee. So for everyone thinking we’re nuts getting up at 4 AM…watch us climb the ladder!

Luckily as the years have gone by a bad run no longer causes full day crankiness, which is super normal because we were expecting that rush of endorphins and got lead feet instead.

Treadmills Are AWESOME:
It’s the cool thing to dis them, but let’s be honest sometimes they’re a great excuse to catch up on Real Housewives or simply to avoid an icy run that changes your form.

Bad Weather = Bad Ass:
It blows, but you can’t wait to post that badass runner photo, so you go anyways! Yup, social media again, getting us out the door.

Doctors Aren’t Smarter:
They don’t get runners or they wouldn’t say dumb things like “just don’t run”, hence we clearly know better and will self diagnose.

  • First, we’ll Google until we find out we’re dying.
  • Second, we’ll ask running friends until we get to someone who knows someone who had surgery.
  • Third, you end up on my blog and find out often that some hip strength is the key.

I do hereby admit to having ignored a few doctors in my day. Now, I actually have a new plan which is to see a Physical Therapist and evaluate my movement patterns before going in to freak out mode.

Race Shirts:
For no discernible reason we are forbidden from wearing a race shirt that we have not yet run or where we had a DNF or DNS…mostly because you might ask us about it and then we have to fess up. It’s an unwritten rule, so I have no idea how we all know about it, but watch the next race where you’ll see confused glances at those wearing the shirt already.

And in truth, most race shirts just aren’t our favorite. There’s other race swag we’d rather get for the money (like free photos!)

Of course we love running...but sometimes we might leave out a few things #confessions #runchat Share on X

Knee Talk:
Every time someone tells me that running is bad for my knees I have to take a deep breath to stop myself from saying so is sitting on your ass all day. Stop the myth.Confessions of a Distance Runner - high's low's and the funny of marathon running

Weights = None Ya Business:
Just because I don’t want to lift heavy things doesn’t mean I’m dumb. Can’t we all just get along and cross train in whatever way makes us happy.

Runner’s High:
Completely real and likely part of what we’re chasing, but it’s elusive and more miles than not are about finding an inner mental strength to keep going.

Should’s:
Every time you tell me you “should” run more I have to restrain myself from the eye roll…no one should run. If you want to then do it. If you don’t want to then don’t do it. Just DO something and stop pretending like you want to do something.

What’s your confession?

Do you relate to any of these?

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Category: Funny Running

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Author

Amanda Brooks
I am a running coach with over a decade of experience helping thousands of runners to achieve their goals from running injury free to crossing that marathon finish line with a PR. I’ve run over 28,000 miles in my own running journey since 2002. Run To The Finish is my place to share that love and my deep dive in to researching all things running. I hold multiple run coaching certifications, as well as a personal training certification. But it’s my ongoing desire to learn and progress as a coach that has allowed me to help runners from their 20’s through their 70’s! More ways to connect with me:
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Chrissa - Physical Kitchness

    September 15, 2016 at 8:47 am

    I suck at long distant running, but I did get a good laugh out of some of these! When I do run (a whole 4 miles), I usually never know what to do at cross walks when the light is green and I can’t go. Like hey should I run in place or just stop? But I feel like cars pass by and LOL at me trotting there in place. My confession – stop lights give me anxiety ;)

  2. Susie @ Suzlyfe

    September 15, 2016 at 12:06 pm

    OMG AMANDA I LOVE THIS.
    I did a Running Confessions post way back in the day (I might need to bring that back, actually), and here is one of my all time favorites:
    If I say I have an appointment the week before a big race, I am getting a Brazilian bikini wax #nochafingforme
    And no, I’ve NEVER popped a squat on the side of a busy road or in a bush in Central Park…..
    Never.
    #lies

  3. TheDimpledRunner

    September 15, 2016 at 1:11 pm

    I relate to every. single. one. of these!! Great job! So funny, yet so true! I confess that because I have a running vlog and my baby is over 15 months that I feel I should have the perfect runner’s body! But I don’t. :/

    • amanda

      September 15, 2016 at 1:54 pm

      Confession…thank gawd i’m not just totally crazy!!! I absolutely understand the “think I should be a certain way” feeling…running helps me bypass that!

  4. Shannon @GirlsGotSole

    September 15, 2016 at 1:23 pm

    YES! YES! YES! I felt like I was a living bobble head reading this. So very many truths it’s hilarious!
    Great post, Amanda! ?

    • amanda

      September 15, 2016 at 1:52 pm

      hehe I love that!!! I wish you could come enjoy some cool CO weather running!

  5. Laura @ This Runner's Recipes

    September 15, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    These are too funny and relatable! I confess that I’m guilty of using my sleeves to wipe my nose or blowing snot rockets on a run. Gross, but we all do it!

  6. Maria

    September 15, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    I am not a long distance runner, but this article made me laugh! I can relate to many in my very short distances ;)

  7. Jenn

    September 15, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    HaHa, this is so funny. And so true. Not that I am a distance runner by any means, but I have thought and did most of these things even on my shorter 3-5 mile runs (because even those are long for me). Oh, and I always carry tissue tucked away somewhere. :)

  8. Alisa @ Go Dairy Free

    September 15, 2016 at 10:12 pm

    OH my god, this is too funny. I love the Stare Down – couldn’t hold it in reading that one :) I’m totally guilty of the sniff test! I mean really, washing after just one wear? That laundry really piles up!

  9. Sarah Miller

    September 16, 2016 at 5:23 am

    I agree with the race guilt, I run very few races and when people ask about PR’s I’m like “I dunno, but I had an awesome run this morning!”

  10. Gretchen

    September 16, 2016 at 5:26 am

    So true..I can’t even tell you how many times I go from hating running to loving it within one mile! And from telling myself I will never run again during a race to signing up for me next one as soon as I finish. Runners are crazy!

  11. Julie @ Running in a Skirt

    September 16, 2016 at 7:56 am

    It’s like you are reading my mind!!! HAha!!! So awesome. I also get a little giddy whenever I pass a fit looking man. Absolutely ridiculous but I think if I can run faster than him… I’m totally winning today.

  12. Laura

    September 16, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    I relate to all of these! Especially choosing a hotel based on the running accommodations! I also think about how to protect myself (ninja style) with my pink pepper spray when the sun doesn’t get up as early as I do!

  13. Sarah- A Whisk and Two Wands

    September 16, 2016 at 4:20 pm

    Haha I love it! I hear the stories from my husband and his buddy. All the poop ones just kill me and then one day while on vacation I was walking with the girls to the store and on the sidewalk there was some and it wasn’t a dog and I couldn’t help but giggle and be grossed out. Than there’s the every time someone says something about constipation my husband responds with “wanna go for a run?”. I have a marathon on my list but after the good bad and ugly I’ve seen with husband and friends I often fear I’m not strong enough for it, I need my head and body to get on the same page.

  14. Emily Kyle

    September 16, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    I have to say I am very inspired by this post. I am certainly not a long distance runner (or even a short distance runner) but I love getting to peek into the mind of someone who is!

  15. Lindsay Cotter

    September 16, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Loved reading your confession lol!! So many I can relate to!

  16. Emily

    September 17, 2016 at 8:55 am

    I relate to so many of them; I sometimes think, ‘Wow, I could run 100 miles… when I go on a 2 mile run, and then I get to mile 1, and I think, ‘Nope, I think I’ll just go 2 miles.’ :D

  17. Taylor Kiser

    September 17, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    This made me laugh so hard! Great post!!

  18. Elizabeth

    September 21, 2016 at 9:27 am

    I always feel like I have to sign up for races…..I have a friend who ran a race every single month last year and I think is trying to run two races every single month this year and I can feel her judging me for not doing as many races (probably all in my head lol). Soooooo last year I signed up for 5 half marathon races and then my first 50k trying to keep up my race cred and in the end I was so mentally AND physically exhausted that during my 50k (last race of the year) I fell down a mountain and ended up DNFing at mile 22……I was fine; I just didn’t want to run anymore, so I’ve spent 2016 not running and just recently started getting my run mojo back. And now I’m back to trying to make it a mile without dying lol

    • amanda -runtothefinish

      September 21, 2016 at 9:32 am

      OMG this sounds awful to me, ha!!!! I definitely know that having a race is really motivating for a lot of people and there’s nothing wrong with that at all…but so many would burn me up! hope you can get back to enjoying it for you!

  19. Beth W. Willis

    October 7, 2016 at 11:41 am

    LOVE this! I’m running my first marathon in February. Just hope I make it to mile 23! :D

  20. Michael

    October 11, 2016 at 6:19 am

    One of the reasons I love running is as much as people can push me to go faster competing against myself and constantly pushing myself to improve is such a draw to the sport. :)

  21. Claudia Smith

    October 12, 2016 at 7:29 am

    It’s great when you can enjoy the race together with other runners who have the same interest. I believe that we should run with the others so they can motivate ourselves. Thanks for sharing!

  22. Barbara J. Silverman

    November 2, 2016 at 10:13 am

    So true. I can find myself in your post. There are so many hilarious things here and looks like you’re reading my mind :) thanks a lot for sharing

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